{
  "author": {
    "name": "Dylan Fitzgerald",
    "url": "https://dylanfitzgerald.net/"
  },
  "blyg": "0.4",
  "changelog": [
    {
      "at": "2022-07-09T03:11:00Z",
      "note": "Imported from the Ctrl+Shift archive",
      "version": 1
    }
  ],
  "content_hash": "sha256:76bf261f1c934dc8bdb35d09114085e773e55a157d7fcf222d047c714aad7a8e",
  "content_html": "\u003ch1\u003eConsultant\u0026#39;s toolbox: language mirroring\u003c/h1\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHere\u0026rsquo;s a tool used by both \u003ca href=\"https://www.blackswanltd.com/our-team/chris-voss\"\u003eprofessional negotiators\u003c/a\u003e and \u003ca href=\"https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32194480/\"\u003epsychotherapists\u003c/a\u003e alike: conversational mirroring, or reflection.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen you\u0026rsquo;re working with a client, or need to interact with someone related to your client goals, take precise note of what terms and phrases they use to describe what they consider important. Actually write them down as you go, if your environment provides for that.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAs the conversation progresses, when you describe what you\u0026rsquo;ve understood your client wants or needs, use \u003cspan class=\"underline\"\u003etheir own words\u003c/span\u003e to describe it.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis runs counter to the mindset many of us have developed in school and the field over the years, to demonstrate understanding and connection by reformulating the conversation to show that you\u0026rsquo;ve integrated the concepts. That\u0026rsquo;s okay\u0026ndash;the goal here is different. Here, we\u0026rsquo;re trying to build rapport with a client, and do so by showing that we can meet them where they are.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLanguage is powerful. Speak their language, not your own. If your client describes their problem as \u0026ldquo;incredibly frustrating\u0026rdquo;, don\u0026rsquo;t call it \u0026ldquo;challenging\u0026rdquo;. Call it \u0026ldquo;incredibly frustrating\u0026rdquo;.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIronically, this can actually be a more powerful way to build your own understanding of the client\u0026rsquo;s needs than reformulation and summarization, because it forces you to listen more closely, rather than get sidetracked in abstracting the stated issues to larger concepts in mid-conversation.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e(You can still do all that cognitive stuff\u0026ndash;reformulating, abstracting, figuring out what strategies to apply and what levers to lean on! Just do them out of band. When your client is talking, actually listen to them. This is harder than it sounds.)\u003c/p\u003e\n",
  "content_md": "# Consultant's toolbox: language mirroring\n\nHere's a tool used by both [professional negotiators](https://www.blackswanltd.com/our-team/chris-voss) and [psychotherapists](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32194480/) alike: conversational mirroring, or reflection.\n\nWhen you're working with a client, or need to interact with someone related to your client goals, take precise note of what terms and phrases they use to describe what they consider important. Actually write them down as you go, if your environment provides for that.\n\nAs the conversation progresses, when you describe what you've understood your client wants or needs, use \u003cspan class=\"underline\"\u003etheir own words\u003c/span\u003e to describe it.\n\nThis runs counter to the mindset many of us have developed in school and the field over the years, to demonstrate understanding and connection by reformulating the conversation to show that you've integrated the concepts. That's okay--the goal here is different. Here, we're trying to build rapport with a client, and do so by showing that we can meet them where they are.\n\nLanguage is powerful. Speak their language, not your own. If your client describes their problem as \"incredibly frustrating\", don't call it \"challenging\". Call it \"incredibly frustrating\".\n\nIronically, this can actually be a more powerful way to build your own understanding of the client's needs than reformulation and summarization, because it forces you to listen more closely, rather than get sidetracked in abstracting the stated issues to larger concepts in mid-conversation.\n\n(You can still do all that cognitive stuff--reformulating, abstracting, figuring out what strategies to apply and what levers to lean on! Just do them out of band. When your client is talking, actually listen to them. This is harder than it sounds.)",
  "created": "2022-07-09T03:11:00Z",
  "id": "60vv4c1z57d4xf5fshjqsefzhn",
  "kind": "thread",
  "media": [],
  "origin": "https://dylanfitzgerald.net/blyg/",
  "page": "https://dylanfitzgerald.net/blog/language_mirroring/",
  "transclusions": [],
  "updated": "2022-07-09T03:11:00Z",
  "version": 1
}