Meet your client where they are
Do you recall the last time you got a question or demand from your client or customer that not only didn’t make sense, but it left a mark on you emotionally? Lingering frustration, a sense of disconnection or even insult…
An HN thread from earlier today is illustrative of these interactions. A builder or producer or engineer supplies a piece of data without questioning what it’s for or the context; the recipient hears something they didn’t want and reacts strongly; everyone comes away with no more information than they had before, but feeling worse. Nobody wins.
Of course, it’s possible that the real, actual information being communicated was really, actually that disappointing, enraging, and awful, and that a strong emotional reaction without further qualification was the only reasonable response.
But probably not.
More likely, this is folks feeling like they’re not seen & not understood–because they’re not being seen, and aren’t understood. The folks building a thing have a full grasp of all the nuance and effort and complexity that goes into building the thing, and are rightly sensing that their client doesn’t grasp that. The client has specific needs they’re trying to satisfy, and are rightly sensing that their service provider, employee, contractor, etc. is focused on the deliverable, not on seeing their problems.
Someone needs to break the impasse & ask the right questions, both to actually get the information about their counterparty’s needs and to demonstrate that they see them–to help their counterparty feel seen. Until that happens, there’ll be tension remaining, even after delivery.
If you ask me (and you’re on my site, after all), in a consulting relationship, this is the consultant’s profession and responsibility. The client is by definition the expert on their own needs. You’re the expert on bringing good questions to bear–this is more important than delivery! And that means swallowing your pride for a few uncomfortable minutes so you can really get curious about why your client feels they way they do.
Work with people you like and want to help. Meet them where they are, even if that’s not where you want them to be. Care enough that you want them to get to a better place of their own accord, knowing that you may have the honor of walking alongside them. That’s where your job starts.
